Branches Book

BRANCHES

and on the other, I developed a forced confidence, one that said, “To heck with beauty standards, anyone can wear a bikini!” At this point in my life, right now, I feel mostly comfortable wearing whatever I want, but it took me a long time to get here. Sometimes I still go to stores and try on clothing I know won’t fit because I don’t want to admit my size. The worst feeling is grabbing something that I think will fit only to find that it does not. Sometimes, when I try on clothing that’s too big I feel really good about myself as if I passed a test or won a prize saying, “Congrats! You could have been fatter but you aren’t.” The embarrassment and negativity we feel about clothing is an outlet for our body insecurity. Understanding the way in which we interact with clothing is incredibly important to understanding how we interact with ourselves. How we interact with others can also be very telling of how we feel about ourselves. The truth is that women body shame other women. Many of the women I interviewed with confessed to walking down the street, seeing a fat person and thinking to themselves, “At least I’m not as fat as them,” or “Oh wow, they are big .” I’ve been in a few situations where those around me have pointed out a fat person and said, “Ugh how can they live like that? They must be so unhealthy” or give a judgmental look. I have probably done this too, without realizing. In fact, I have definitely fat shamed and skinny shamed, both with and without realizing. Whenever I catch myself having those thoughts, however, I recognize that it comes from a desire to mask my own insecurities, not an intention to fat shame others. Certainly, many of us are victim to body shame from others, but many of us are also the perpetrators of a culture that loves to bring other women down. I’d love to tell everyone that fears of being judged are unfounded but, clearly, they are not. Fat fear can manifest as fat shaming of self or others, and oftentimes a combination of the two. The women I spoke with were quick to admit they had fat shamed themselves. Self-hate is so commonplace there was almost no hesitation in confessing to it. I found, however, that women were less willing to admit that they themselves have fat shamed others. No one wants to admit that they have shamed others because everyone knows that it’s wrong to do so. We all want to be accepted. We all want to think that no one is walking down the street and judging our body and yet we do it to others anyway. Why? Why do we body shame others when that is exactly what we fear others are doing to us? Constant comparisons and judgments of others not only negatively affect ourselves, but also those around us. Shaming others only perpetuates cycles of hate and maintains standards of beauty decided by the media. Loving and accepting all body types is key to accepting your own. Putting yourself on a scale of attractiveness and comparing yourself to others

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